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Wednesday
May052010

Letter From Russia (Cold Chillin' with martians)

 Meet Kirsan Ilyumzhinov.

The 48 year old multi-millionaire hottie chess champ President of the Republic of Kalmykia (Russian Federation) has made public the claim that he was abducted by aliens back in 1997. He was interviewed about his ordeal on state television recently, and revealed some wildly entertaining scenarios of what it's really like to chill with martians.

On Sept. 18, 1997, Ilyumzhinov claims he spent several hours shooting the shit with aliens during one of their routine drive by's to his luxurious apartment  in downtown, Moscow. He was in a state of half sleep when he heard someone calling to him from the balcony area.

Here's what he saw when he went to go investigate:  A "half-transparent half tube" 

Like one of those playground funnel tubes but made from a polycarbonate material is what I'm guessing!

As he entered the funnel, he was greeted by humanoid alien beings wearing yellow haz-mat jumpsuits!!

Further claims made include communication by telepathy (?)

"I am often asked what language I used to talk to them" and then cryptically added that their communication was based on a level of an 'exchange of ideas'

Then, the Aliens gave him the grand tour of their funnel cake shaped mothership.

And, it wasnt just the Aliens doing the questioning. Ilyumzhinov asked why didn't they just show their Alien mojo off to everyone by going to the Television stations? They replied with a succinct  "we're just not ready, dude."

Several politicians were apparently moved to 'holy terror' after watching Iluymzhinov's televised interview and are putting the presh on Russian President Dmitry Medvedev to get to the bottom of this piece of crazy. Not least because they think he's absolutely telling the truth, but because they are afraid that State secrets could've been divulged. 

Iluymzhinov says he's ready and willing to talk to anyone.

I mean should we doubt a man who has held the position as head of International Chess Federation since 1995?   

Message to Kirsan: I'm single baby, and ready to mingle.

[Moscow Times]

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